I hate Mother’s Day.
There, I said it. Hate it. I know those are strong words. But that is how I truly felt a few years ago. And honestly, I still strongly dislike that day.
I suppose anyone who lost their mom at a time that seemed too early in life may feel the same. My mom passed away when I was 23, during a time when I felt like I needed her most in my life.
A short 3 months away from graduating college, Erick and I were moving to a new state, both beginning our careers. My plan was to wait a year or two then start a family. I longed to share all these wonderful things with my mom, to get her thoughts about life, just to have our normal everyday mother/daughter conversations. To hear her voice, I would constantly replay a voicemail she had left me about three weeks before her death.
Fast forward to Sunday, Mother’s Day, several years later. Erick and I found ourselves a couple months into being diagnosed with “unexplained infertility.” I sat through the entire church sermon that morning without crying. Huge accomplishment.
But the sermon inevitably came to an end and to the moment where all moms received flowers as a church gift.
That was it. The moment I lost it.
The tears started streaming. Thankfully, our pastor was wonderful and every year announced to give all of the ladies flowers after the moms were taken care of. Year after year I appreciated that gesture.
But infertility and my mom long gone were a double heartache. I really hated Mother’s Day.
Like it or not, every year this day rolls around yet again. This Sunday is Mother’s Day. This Sunday, I am mourning another more recent loss, my father. He died when I was 32. I could never have imagined how much I would miss my dad, as well as grieve the loss of my mom even more, once my father passed. Here’s more of my story of becoming parentless at 32.
Oh, the grief! With the heartache of having both parents gone, I try, at this point in life, to retain my childhood identity, the identity I felt when my parents were alive. I attempt to reconcile that with my current identity as an adult and mom, but no longer as a daughter. It truly is a strange place to be.
I daily face the reality that my kids will not know their grandparents on my side. And, here we are, struggling with infertility a third time, knowing that this time the odds are against another pregnancy by far.
Just ten years ago I never would have believed we would be facing these things.
But though I am grieving, I am also celebrating.
I am celebrating that Jesus is my Savior and Lord. I am celebrating that He came to give abundant life. That abundant life may not always look like I want it to, but it is abundant, nonetheless. The more I focus on that, the more of a reality it becomes.
You see, I am learning that my joy does not depend on my current circumstances. Boy, is this is a lifelong lesson for me!
It is not dependent upon whether I do or don’t have wonderful parents still living on this earth, whether I am married to the perfect man, whether I have the perfect 2.5 kids, whether I have the perfect career or job, or any other circumstance in life that makes me feel powerful, rather than powerless.
Whether you are a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, an aunt, a friend, none of these, some of these, or all of these, choose to embrace each day, especially THIS day. Allow your thoughts to linger on what is good in life, not on what isn’t perfect or what you feel your life is missing.
Focus on the good things, on the blessings, on the grace given to you that we know none of us deserve.
Embrace the moment in life you are in NOW.
It may be one of the best phases of your life, or it may feel like one of the worst. Either way, find some joy, some hope, and some encouragement in THIS moment. Linger in gratitude for the blessings you have been given.
I continue to strive to name my blessings. I am married to the most wonderful man—we will be celebrating 13 years this July! I am also celebrating that I was able to bear children—three very handsome boys. These are children at one time I thought I may never have. Even on the most difficult of days with three boys ages 5 and under, I still attempt to remember the miracles they are!
I appreciate my wonderful job and co-workers despite the retail schedule that makes it difficult for our family at times. My brothers and I have a close relationship, and we have a couple of fabulous aunts and uncles who love us and continue to serve us. My beautiful friends walk with me through valleys and praise God with me on the mountains. I know I am blessed.
Ultimately, I choose to focus on the most amazing gift of all, that this world is not our home. Praise God it’s only temporary!
Our Father will wipe away all our tears for eternity, and the worries of this life will be long gone. I am diligently making an effort to keep a right perspective of the worldly gifts God allows me to enjoy. But instead of dwelling on them, I can choose daily to focus on the eternal blessings to come.
What blessings are YOU celebrating?
My prayer for each of you is that you will not only steward your money intentionally (I’m the Penny Steward Mama after all!), but your life as well. If we can steward our lives the way our Father calls us to, imagine the joy! The blessings!
May you be blessed and made whole this Mother’s Day despite what phase of life you are in.
I invite you to celebrate whether you are or aren’t a mother, and regardless if you are celebrating with or without your mother.
We have a choice to face the discouraging and disappointing moments of life, and we can choose to embrace those moments along with the more encouraging ones. Let’s choose to face and embrace and steward intentionally.
Heather
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Related Post:
Parentless at 32: How to Leave Your Legacy as a Mother and Daughter
This was beautiful Heather. I’m so glad I found it and read it . I still have my mom but I know at any time she could leave me . She is 78 and I don’t get to spend much time with her bc she’s in Arkansas. I can’t completely understand stand how you feel but I do sympathize with you . Neither of my sons live close so to me Mother day is just another Ordinary Day. I’m usually sad on that day bc I feel so alone. Anyway we shouldn’t celebrate Mother’s just on one day we could celebrate Mother’s all year long. I think you’re a wonderful mother and you have three beautiful little boys. May God bless you on this Mother’s day . Xoxo
Oh, Marci! I agree with celebrating all year long! I’m sure having grown kids throws in a whole new dynamic when you are far apart! Relish in the time you do get to spend with your mom and your phone conversations. Thank you for sharing your heart and for the encouragement to me! You have been a blessing to me and especially my boys!
Heather all I can say is I love you. You are 1 awesome mom I don’t know how you do it. Hope you got moved I know you has lots of little feet to help you. Happy mother’s day.
Awww, thank you, Tammy! I can’t believe you’re back on the computer reading my blog already! You are the most amazing wife and mother, and most likely the strongest woman I know! Happy Mother’s Day!
What a beautiful post! This hit me on several levels, as I too lost my mother at a young age (28), while in grad school. She was my best friend, my confidant. But God…my relationship with God was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind. The grief was absolutely overwhelming. Eleven years later, I still don’t know why my mother’s life ended when it did. But, I trust God more now than I did then. I try to focus on His purpose for my life and celebrate all that He has done for me. Thank you for sharing this.
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Was a beautiful post Heather. Thanks for your transparency. I also lost my mom at 23 years old- 42 years ago, only two weeks before Morher’s Day. I still grieve that day as I did yesterday, but like you- have to stop and count my blessings- which are many!